Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
