alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
