Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
