i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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