I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Never joke about your clitoris.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
