I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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