Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
