thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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