Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
