Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
