Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
