This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
