dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I have fence marks all over my body
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
