dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Randomize
