marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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