ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize