I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
