Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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