Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
time to smoke my breakfast
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
