I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Randomize
