I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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