yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
