..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
