your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I CAN MOONWALK!
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
