Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize