his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i think i have two assholes
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
