if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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