I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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