Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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