Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
