Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
