I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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