Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
