She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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