absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
