I'm so fucking centered right now
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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