Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you didnt know i had herpes?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
