I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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