Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I will be naked everywhere
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
