just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
