Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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