Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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