I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
