I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
