A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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