I am full of burrito and curiosity
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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