Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
