Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
