i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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