i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
