covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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