I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
