I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
