hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
