Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I am one with the molecules
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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