Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
