I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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