i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
