You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
