Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
