I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
