I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
